Ugly

Dude. I have not gone to the gym since I got back from Oregon on Saturday. I feel like a slug.

I'm planning on going to the gym tomorrow evening with my friend/boss Tescia. My co-workers and I all got the official tour with our whole staff yesterday, which was great. Everybody was so motivated to go and excited about our membership. I feel like I've got a dozen new workout partners. (Speaking of, Erin - Where you at? Are we on for Saturday?)

I'm worried that I'm not going to be able to do this. I was talking to Tescia who lost almost 50 pounds in the last year. She did it by working out like a mad woman and eating nothing but raw veggies and hard-boiled eggs for months on end. She makes no bones about how hard it was to do and now how hard it is to maintain. Is it even possible to have a normal life and be fit with my metabolism?

My other co-worker is in the beginning stages of getting a lap band. I weigh more than he does. I wonder if that might be a good option for me. John hates the idea of me going in for surgery because of all the risks, but does obesity pose a greater risk? Can I be non-obese without surgical measures?

Downfall

Ack. I keep on looking at this thing and thinking about how I should write something but then don't really know what to write.

I feel like I'm losing momentum. The moment I lost it may have been after I had been working out for a couple of weeks and got on the scale at the gym. I had weighed myself at the same scale during one of my first workouts and weighed in at 286. When I hopped on two weeks later (soaking wet compared to totally dry), it said 276. I was totally stoked! I couldn't believe I lost ten pounds. I was super excited and all ready to call John and brag and then I decided to go weigh again, just to double check. When I got on that time, it said 286 again. .... LAME! I felt super discouraged, especially after getting so excited.

I knew it was a bit crazy to have lost 10 pounds in two weeks solely by working out and not REALLY changing my diet all that much, but I was sucked into the potential glory. It confirmed the already existing knowledge about diet being 80% of weight loss, but I had felt like I was doing so good. It was disheartening (to say the least) to feel like you're working hard and making progress and then not see results (ESPECIALLY after being tricked into thinking there were results).

Now all these excuses are coming back in my head - things like "I can't afford to eat healthy". Man, I can justify my way into thinking just about anything.

I was still working out consistently at the gym, although not as hard cause I was mostly going with students. I started to avoid the Friday solo-workout. Then I just got back from a trip to Oregon for my cousin's wedding (where I ate crap and didn't move except to boogie on down on the dance floor) - and I feel like now is the challenging part. I have to force myself to get back to the gym and start making good decisions about what I eat. It's so easy to justify eating Taco Bell and cup o' noodles on vacation... and it can be just as easy back home if I let it. This seems especially hard cause we're on a really tight budget BECAUSE of the vacation. Bad food just feels cheaper.

We just went grocery shopping and I have our menu planned out for the next two weeks to save money. It's not super healthy stuff, but it's at least real food, i.e. unprocessed. God was good and boneless skinless chicken breasts were on sale as the cheapest possible meat (we usually get bone-in, skin-on, thighs cause they're cheaper). So let's hope that's a good omen for me taking another step forward in this journey.

I'm gonna pump...me up!

So here's how the first week of my planned work-out regimen is going:

Monday - worked out with my students.

Tuesday - 6 am came and went whilst I snored away. I did have an internal battle for about 10 minutes when my alarm went off at 6, but sleep won. Still debating how self-defeating it was to wait until after midnight to go to bed the night before.

Wednesday - Since I was on duty for our Wednesday night outing at work, I scheduled a work out with a student. When student didn't show for our appointment (super common), I found another student who wanted to go and got in two miles on the elliptical and some arm weights.

Thursday - have another appointment with student to work out. if he doesn't show, I'm only working a half day, so I'll go in the afternoon.

So far, so good. Not exactly how I planned, but I'm still managing to make it a priority and go. I'm feeling stronger and noticed today that I have more energy than usual. I'm also more happy than usual for the last week or so. I'm not sure if I can contribute the happiness to the exercise but it certainly can't be hurting.

Haute Couture

Ok, so while not directly weight-loss/health related, I have some awesome news!

A friend from work recently lost 60 pounds (yay her!). And let me tell you, this friend has the cutest stinkin clothes you've ever seen. I comment on her style all the time and then the other day she says - "well I have about two garbage bags full of clothes that I just cleared out, do you want them?"

And I say, "hells yes!"

So today I picked up these wonderful bags of clothes. It's so rad. I think most of them are from before she lost the weight, so they're all about my size down to 3-ish sizes smaller. There's some awesome summer stuff in there, too! A lot of it is at that stage where it almost fits but if I lost ten pounds, it'd REALLY fit. What better motivation than uber cute outfits? Ok. So there is better motivation out there (health benefits, blah blah blah). But for now I get to feel great about wearing fantastic new digs and working toward wearing even MORE fantastic stuff.

Also, today I went to the gym with my students and did mostly strength training. I also raced one of my students to see who could go for a mile the fastest on a stationary bike. She won. But only by like 3 seconds and she's in way better shape than me. Also, on Saturday I speed walked (even jogged some!) to the video store and back with John - which is almost exactly one mile.

Just call me gangsta

Guess what guys?!

I swam again yesterday afternoon. Again, for about 40 minutes. But this time I swam....


FORTY (40) laps!!


I did 12 on the kickboard to warm up, 20 regular to work out, then another 10 on kickboard to cool down. The old guys in the lane next to me were lapping me, but whatever. I just felt proud that I was getting back into it and my body is starting to remember what to do so quickly. It was funny cause after my kickboard cool down, I thought, "that's not so bad, I bet I could do more." Then I got out of the pool and into the car and my body was shaking from the workout. Lol, that's what I get for thinking I'm tough.

Now that I have a gym membership (!), here's my work out plan:

Sunday - nada (between work and church, I don't think I'll have time)
Monday - Gym 3-5 pm with my students (getting paid to work out!)
Tuesday - Swim at the gym in the A.M. (must get up and out by 6 am)
Wednesday - Swim at the gym in the P.M. (get off at 4pm on Wednesdays)
Thursday - Day off or swim in the A.M. - maybe go with my students during the day
Friday - Swim when I wake up (it's my day off)
Saturday - Do something fun and active with John (or whoever)

Today in Long Beach, there's this urban race going on. It's a silly relay race, I think. A bunch of teams are passing our building carrying tires. As a rule, I don't pay to run. People have talked to me about doing half marathons and stuff but it just seems stupid to me to pay money to run (excepting good cause 10k's, of course). Then I thought, doing these crazy scavenger hunt races seems more like something I could get into. I could totally see paying to participate in something that looks so fun. I'm thinking about making that one of my goals for getting in shape. Right now, there's no way I could run, bike, or otherwise do the physical activity necessary to do a race like that - which is a good example of why I've grown in my discontent with being fat. I can't do the things I want to do or keep up with my friends who do fun adventurous stuff cause my body just won't let me. Maybe I can start researching a fun race to do around this time next year. They're all team events - who's with me?

Bubbles

Guess who's all motivated and went for a swim at the gym today?

This girl.

Guess who didn't give a shit that she was in her bathing suit and cap and goggles and everyone could see the waves of so-white-it's-purple cellulite?

This girl.

Guess who clawed her way through 40 minutes and more than 20 laps even though her body would've rather beached itself?

This girl.