I haven't always been this fat. I've actually gained 100 pounds since my freshman year in college (2001).
In high school, I was bigger than most of my friends, but still pretty fit at an average of 170 pounds. I also played a lot of sports and was pretty strong. In college, late night dining and mindless eating led to some serious poundage.
I remember one summer I came home to lifeguard, between my sophomore and junior years. I lived in my bathing suit and stretchy shorts and then ate out ALL the time cause I didn't like the food my parents stocked at home. When I went to put my jeans on in the fall, they didn't even button. You'd think that'd be more of an eye-opener than it was.
Then I went off to my junior year at school when I lived off campus. Since I drove to school, I stopped walking nearly as much as I had been (significant as my campus was huge and on a mountainside). I also went to Vallarta's to get giant veggie burritos like 3 times a week. (Not the healthy kind of veggie burrito.) I didn't realize how much weight I was gaining until I woke up one morning with stretch marks on my tummy. That was bizarre. And then instead of thinking, "oh shit! i better stop the insanity!", I did this jedi mind trick in which I freaked out briefly and then subconsciously gave up cause there was already permanent damage.
I just kept on slowly gaining more and more from there. The escalating number on the scale has inspired brief stints of successful weight loss in the past, but this time I'm not concerned with that number. I just want to be healthy. I want to look in the mirror and like what I see. I don't want my weight to govern my life anymore. So I'm not gonna let it.
PS - Don't let me forget to write about all the ways that my weight affects my life now. I want to record it so if I hit a rough patch in resolve, I can have a reminder of why it's important and worthwhile to continue on my health journey.
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